Hubby was still asleep as I eased out of bed, made coffee and slipped outside. Mornings are some of the most revealing but emotional times for me. It's like all my feelings and thoughts come flooding over me. Mind you, that can be glorious but it can also be devastating. I've spent a lot of years trying to control how my feelings effect me in the morning. If I didn't I would be crying from joy or from sadness every day, depending on whatever hit my head and heart first. Mornings though consist of great clarity for me. I see and feel things that I have to hold down, squash or ignore the rest of the day. It allows me to see life through what I feel is a "real lens", not the clouded lens of my friends, loved ones or the world. Mostly, this morning I was just feeling that my walk in this life was insufficient. Even though I've felt loss this year like I have never ever felt - God has chosen to allow me to continue to share his wonders and to feel joy. This is majorly confusing for me because I'm not sure I should be feeling joy right alongside of all the pain that has been residing in my heart. There are days it feels like a giant joke, that I, at the age of 62, have made such a small difference in this world and still I am continually blessed and still I wake up each morning while others have gone on to be with God. It is such a mystery to me. See? I ramble on. But these are just a few of the things that run through my mind in the mornings. The truth I hang onto is that I am to be rejoicing always, praying without ceasing and giving thanks in all circumstances. I just hang onto that. Aren't you glad I don't write about my mornings all the time??? LOL
I then came in the house and made a Lemon Meringue Pie. It's been years since I made one but I've been promising Hubby this pie now for awhile. Time to come through!!